original post date: 7/24/2010
10 years ago I would never have expect our lives to turn in the way they have. 15 yrs ago I won’t have expected it.
5 yrs ago … the events that occurred in the few years just prior showed my family that no matter how hard we tried, things happen and we have to learn to deal with them. Learn to accept them. Oh, we can try to run or hide from them … but that didn’t do any good for the one who tried. It just made adjusting even harder. Which made it a bit harder for our family as well.
You see in a family when something happens to one person it does effect the others who love & care for them. It effects the immediate family, as well as the extended family. What one person does can keep a family together or help destroy it. It takes so much love, consideration, understanding, compassion … and flat out patience when you are dealing with a person in your family who would rather run from the problems than face them. Because you have to try to be there for them, but also for the individuals they are hurting by these actions. And when that person tries to come back, you have to be there for those who want to accept them, but still have that anger in them. You have to be there for the person who wants their family back, but occasionally does the “1 step forward, and 2 steps back.”
But you see dealing with the person who is afraid to get hurt isn’t the only change we have had to adjust to in our lives over the last 5 or so years. We have lost family (that pain is still there), we have gained family (precious and so welcomed), we are expecting two precious additions to our family (immediate & extended) … Loss & gained. That is pretty much what it all comes down to. Yes we have gained quite a bit, but we have lost is still there and it still hurts those who don’t know how to deal with it. Or those who just don’t understand …
In the matter of a few days or maybe a few weeks, we will be accepting into our home the our grand daughter. Who has actually help heal some relationship tensions between sibling, and extended family. Yes, my heart goes down a bit when I consider the fact that my daughter is 17 and going to give birth before she hits 18 or even 25 (good time to start THINKING about kids). But my heart jumps when I know I will be able to sit on my living room floor and play with Athenah Rea. This may not be possible when my children bring over other grand children (way off in the future).
That brings us from gain to loss. To be honest, it appears to be the root of all the issues that occur in our house. It does show the love that each person has, but it’s the fear that is tearing them apart instead of bringing them closer. The fear of loosing someone they think they have to have here no matter what. The fear of not know if they will have a few days or a few years. The fear of being hurt because of that loss.
The problem comes down to how to get them all to find a way to cope with it. When you have tried everything you can, it comes down to involving others who might be able to help you, while you help them. Letting them know that you love them more than they could imagine, and that you are doing what you have to, just so you can be there for them. (Something that they might not realize or understand.) Sometimes it just simply helps when you bring in someone with a fresh mind, a person who can get an outside look at each person and find a way to help them.
In 10 years or 15 years I never expected that my family would fallow a path that would lead us to where we are now. But because life loves to through in those lovely, interesting, little surprises. And the choices we make each time those events happen in our lives, effect how we will be in a few years down the road.
To be honest, life has given us so damn interesting occurrences, events or what ever you want to call them … I am thinking it needs to go spice up someone else life for a while.
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