original post date: 10/11/10
When I look at my mothers wall it is full of pictures, which should hold tons of memories for me. Yet while some of the locations are familiar, the pictures and the times are not. Or worse I see people I should know that I don’t have the slightest idea who they are. Normally I don’t pay much attention to my mother pictures, until my brother needed pics of him when he was younger. So I went looking at the wall, and then through almost all of her pics … guess it was a bad choice for me.
These last few weeks I have been in Hutch, taking a mini-vacation. I have visited Nickerson, and there were a few things that seemed slightly familiar, but so much that was familiar. I know about the nativity scene, because I have the video’s from when I was in it. My grandparents house seemed a bit off, and until one of our relatives mentioned the fact the trees where missing, I wasn’t sure what was off with it. I am still not sure if that was it, but I am hoping so. The school I graduated from, well I remember one of my classes in one part of the building, but the older part of the school doesn’t seem all that familiar. I know I went there, I have the diploma & transcript from there. (oh freaking well) Nickerson main street area has changed a ton, maybe for the best, I do hope so. I know they have a police station (and I found it!!), which was a bit strange. It would have been nice for them when kids were egging cars (yes, they did this when I was a teen ~ why I don’t know, but they did).
I have seen so much of Hutch the last few days. I know the mall had more stores, and a lot more people going there. I found a skate rink that I know I went to a few times (with what friends I don’t know), I found it quite by accident. I know they have done a bit of, who knows what, to Hutch parts are familiar, but then I haven’t been all over Hutch, so I don’t know about the unfamiliar parts. There is a McD’s that is still slower than dirt, and needs to check on their customer service issue! (It was a problem when I was a teen, and seems to be one now)
With all this occurring, I talked to a girl I went to school with. I had been given a general description, which did not seem to fit who she was today. I had to apologize when she told me everyone assumed she was still pencil thin! Then she asked if I remembered her sister, which as it turns out, does not look like her … so I am guessing I don’t remember her. I felt pretty bad to be honest, when you talk to someone it is really hard when you should remember but you don’t.
With some people I remember their faces and not their names. With others, their names click but their faces don’t. ~ Let’s forget about number combinations, cause those always mess me up!;) ~ My docs have had so much fun testing me for this or that, and love putting me though all the tests to see how I have recovered … gets pretty freaking annoying after a while. Cause I just don’t have the answers for them, I don’t even have the answer for myself.
When you hear about “walking down memory lane” you think of all the fun, exciting, embarrassing, sad, and so many other types of memories. When I hear about it, it just makes me sad. I don’t have the full past that most others do, but at least I have plenty of time to build more memories as I grow older. Can you imagine how it would be to recover from a stroke when you are 70+? A lifetime of memories, simply gone. That alone is horrifying. Yet here I sit sad & in disbelief when I was hoping, even a small hope, that something would help bring back some of those times. Yet nothing did, and that is something I have to face … and something that I haven’t wanted to face.
So instead of staying depressed over this small matter, I have started looking at it differently. I have a ton of new memories with my granddaughter. Although she won’t remember it, I will be able to tell her that her 1st vacation was spent at Grandma's & Grandpa's house. I will tell her how we walked though Carey Park on an amazingly decent day, were the sun wasn’t too hot and the wind help keep us cooled. How I lost my sunglasses during this walk because I was paying more attention to whether or not the sun was in her face. Or how those bridges are definitely not stroller compatible. Or how we went to the Hutch Zoo, where instead of looking at the animals she slept though the entire hour or so that we were there. But choose the moment we left to wake up! I think she will like visiting that zoo when she is a bit older, it’s definitely young kid friendly.
I will be able to tell her how she stayed awake a good bit of the walk though Dillon’s Nature Center. Oh she slept a bit, but she was up a good deal of it. How I think I might have found the perfect place for her Pa & I to re-new our vows, it’s simply beautiful and I hope it’s something that we can look into. My favorite part is how she kicked off her sock, and we had to walk all the way to the boy and frog to find it. How she managed to kick of a sock is still beyond me, but it made the walk a bit longer. She also had the ladies who worked there just fussing over her. And she just groveled in it.
When I took her to Yoder, she was ok with one of the stores until the lady started talking to her. Then she just wanted to leave, I guess she just didn’t like her. She slept though 2 of the stores, and didn’t care much for the quilt store from the second I walked in. Which I think was more because I could have spent quite a while looking at the patterns or books … makes walking a bit more difficult. But she giggled & cooed to the ladies in the Yoder Meat Market. She had them going to get other co-workers to look a her! And yes, she loved all the attention she was getting.
I have so many pictures of the time when have been down here that my kids will probably take away my camera’s when I get home. But for each picture there is something behind it, a bit of a memory, a piece of Athenah’s & my life. Each time I think how I felt, I stop and see Athenah. Then I remember what I told her when we were there, or what her & I were doing when we were there. That gives each of those places a new memory for me, one that I will be able to tell Athenah (via scrapbook or verbal, I hope both).
I may not remember what my brothers & I where doing in a few (million) pics my mother has. But I have the chance to build new memories with them. A few years back my brother & my family when bowling, I think we had a blast. I know my kids were enjoying it, so were the adults. Or when I got this call telling me they were pregnant … I was so excited I was jumping all over! Or the times I got to talk to my nephew or text my niece. Even the times I have talked to my brothers, and probably floored them with what I said.
The one thing I hoped to regain from this vacation is the one thing I will be leaving with …. special memories. New memories, but special none the less. So the next time I decide to “walk down memory lane” I will either bring someone who knows what the hades we did ;-) or I will smile …. because while I don’t always remember every part of my past, I have new memories I can create with those I love and cherish.
. People I do not know or care to know, check that I do know a few … at times that is FAR to many.)
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