original post date: 10/3/10
Exactly what is define as “family”? They are “family” because they are related by blood? Or are they family because no matter what they are always there, and you are there for them?
I would have to say that “family” would be the 2nd question. When are you there for someone, and they are there for you, well that makes you family. Because you are showing that you truly do care for each other.
“Family” by blood can be harsh. You try & try, yet they don’t get off their butts to try. When you see them they act as if they don’t even want to waste their time talking to you. How sad is that?
Today I drove a bit more to see some “family” because it was just “too much for them to come out here.” I saw one of my “aunts” and she was so stand-offish. I tried talking to her, but it was like I was interfering with her time. Lovely, isn’t it? I keep telling myself that it’s different for me because I did not grow up around them. We were here for only a few years, and then we left again. (Can you blame me? Take a look at Nickerson & you will see why.)
Now my parents have been back here for over 10 years, yet my mother is still treated “out of site, out of mind”. I am use to it, I have tried talking to my “cousins”, “aunts”& “uncles” when I come back … LMAO that is simply a joke. I refuse to spend Christmas with them, because of the actions they demonstrated when I came back when my husband was in Iraq. My dad was the one who made sure that I kept my temper in check, he reminded me that this was special for my mother. Yes, my mom was the only reason I didn’t tell my “aunts” to take their opinions and shove them. I wanted to tell them that the horrid statements they were making judgment and wrong. Yet my mom was happy, and enjoy that Christmas … I did not & would not make that day turn bad for her.
My mother, who has always been there. Even when she isn’t physical there. My dad was always there, even when he wasn’t physical there. My parents taught us that even if you aren’t there, that you can still be a part of that persons life. But it takes two individuals to make that work. If you fail to get off your butt then you cannot expect the other party to be there too.
When I look at this, I see reasons why I don’t like letting people close. I see why I can turn away, for what ever reason there may or may not be. Because I don’t want to let people in my life who might be similar to my blood relatives. How sad is that?
I don’t remember much from when I lived in Nickerson, or the times we came to visit. I had to see pictures to know who some "relatives” were. I had to teach myself who they were, and how they were connected. Talk about a complete waste of my time, I could have been studying harder, or learning to over come the effects of my stroke. I wasted my time over people who simply don’t know what “family” truly is. (sigh … )
I came up to Hutch for a short break. I haven’t had a vacation by myself (well sort of) in a long time. I was hoping to see “family”, and get to know them again. But I can see that won’t be happening.
Oh well, there are things I can do besides that. Plus I have brought my school work with me, so that will keep me busy. Hutch may not be the great town to be in, but it has things to see & do. So I can walk around with my granddaughter, taking pictures and enjoy what this town has to offer.
Yes, when I began this I was angry, disappointed, disgusted, and simply in disbelief. I still am, but sometimes putting it in words really helps. Makes you see things, and work things out; helps resolve those emotions. Although they remain, you understand why you are feeling that mixture.
My decision will be to walk away when those who are blood related cannot make the effort to work on having any kind of relationship. Oh well, sucks for them … cause I am not a bad person to know! (hmph ..)
