What I really hate about medical problems

Over the last few years I went from decently healthy to massive medical problems. I guess I had them before but they were not officially diagnosed. Now, it seems like every time I see my dr. I end up with yet another issue to add .
I have or have had:

• Stroke
• fibromyalgia
• arthritis
• bulging disk in my back & neck
• migraines
• ulcers
• depression
• PFO
• low-iron anemia
• blood pressure issues (too low on a normal basis; too blasted high when I get upset)
• stress (far too much according to my doctors)
• panic attacks
• anxiety issues
• slight allergy to the sun (sunscreen doesn’t even help)
• allergic to morphine (so freaking annoying)
• bone growths on the back of both knees
• bladder issues (yep, it even happens to us younger folks)
• sleeping problems
• nerves problems (like not being able to use arms or legs)
• bruising all over body
• loss of hair (do to meds I am on, as well as medical problems)
• acid reflux

LOL it’s bad when you forget a ton of items that you have been diagnosed with. But honestly, it is really bad to be afraid to see your doctor when you know he is going to give you more issues to learn to deal with.

I have told my doctor that one time I would enjoy seeing any of them as long as they provided me with positive news. He just laughed and said I was always an interesting patient … really??? One who DOES NOT want medical problems. One who is now more afraid of seeing my doctors. One who is scared of what they will tell me next. How does that make me “interesting”???? In my opinion, that makes me a fearful patient, definitely not interesting.
But I guess in there case, they are getting to use all the medical training. Which means I am “interesting” to them. I cannot hate them because they are great doctors, and they are always honest with me when I see them. They do not do  give me that bull where they … what’s the correct word or phrase? … treat me like a person who will simply crash from hearing the news they have to give me. They are direct and straight up with me, which I am grateful for. They do not treat me like a porcelain doll that will just crumb if touch wrong. Trust me I have seen doctors treat patients like the were fragile. Treat them as though they would simply crumble from the news they were given.

My parents taught us that you have to accept what the news. You can get upset over it. You can get sad or depressed over it. But you have to learn about what you have. You have to learn to laugh about it, and accept it. Because in the end, there is not much else you can do … except ignore it.
Ignoring your medical problems do not make them go way. It makes your life harder. I recently learned that. I was honest, told people I had a stoke. I told them, but did not let them know just how much I lost when it occurred. I did not tell them, the closest of my friends or even my family, know the actual severity of it. I was embarrassed, and ashamed because I truly did not remember so much about these people who were close to me. I had some feelings where I knew that some of these people were trustworthy and others I was uncomfortable around. Some of the people in my life, I have since learned why. Others I am still learning more about.

Guess the title of this blog should be something else. But honestly, for me it fits. Because I really do hate my medical problems. They cause me to avoid being close to people like I was before. They prevent me from doing a lot of things. Even chores around the house, you know vacuuming … that can take me over an hour to do. Because I get so exhausted from it. Exercising makes me feel amazing, but will put me in bed for a few days. Which really bites because I end up with so much energy, but my body itself crashes. Playing outside with my granddaughter, I can do a little but then have to rest. Hiking, which is so much fun, but afterwards my body crashes if I “over do it.”
”Over doing” is a phrase I really dislike. Today, I was looking for my router disk to set up my computer with our home router (love wireless … gives me more freedom that sitting at a desk). So I was cleaning up the computer area in our home. I got so tired, and I was not even finished cleaning & organizing. I had to stop. Went out back to talk with my son, stood up and the world started spinning around me … my husband had to help me get back inside because I was afraid I was going to collapse. There was NO WAY I was going to have to get my son to carry me inside. That is just way to embarrassing, for me that is.

See, my family seems to understand & accept that I have the medical problems I have quicker than I do. They are patient, but at times they do get a little irritated. After all, it sucks when you cannot take your child to the gym. Or go bike riding, hiking, fishing, swimming … or half a million other things that are fun to do with family. Sure movie nights are great, or board/card games are fun. But what kid wants to do them all the time? Even I get tired of playing them or watching movies/TV shows all them time. I love going hiking with my family. I enjoying going fishing with them. But even they know that “over doing it” prevents me from doing other things with them. And yes, I can “over do it” playing board/card games.

I guess, in many ways, I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. Simply because of the understanding, compassion, love and support that I received from my family. I really helps me so much that they do understand, even with they get irritated. Because without them, my life would be so much harder.
So while I truly hate my medical problems, I have the greatest family when it comes down to dealing with all the issues that seem to find their way to me.

I am learning to accept all my medical problems, and I will laugh at them. After all, if you do not find a way to laugh … you will live in misery. I prefer happiness, love, enjoyment. Misery can go find someone else. I just wish some people understood the concept of why you should laugh … it makes accepting so much easier.

“IT’S NOT FAIR”

original post date: 12/28/10

Fair??? There is no freaking FAIR in this world. We try to be decent people, and do the correct thing. Well, that is some of us do.
Yet there is always that one person who expects you to do it all for them. And when you say NO they start begging, and saying “it’s not fair.” I had to stop & really figure out what I should say and how I wanted to say it.

Not Fair … not when you have to watch a person bury their child. Not fair … when you watch soldiers deploy to a country with a high chance of dying. Not fair … when you see a young child living in a car, or on the streets. Not fair … when you watch the news over a child who’s supposed family killed them. Not fair … is simply what you will find when you look around life. Not fair … Not fair … Not fair … is something all of us are tired of hearing.
Yes you can find “fair” when you get off your butts and start making it happen. Learning to understand that religions are differently, not forcing yours on others, and finding a way to accept them. Learning to know that some people should not be allowed to raise children, to understand when they start reaching out for help. Learning to accept when you can do something & not feel worthless because of it. Learning to control rage, and know when to stop … and find someone when you know you need help to prevent it.
There is so much more to create “fair” but does the list have to keep going? After all that is just the simple start of the list. Watch the news, read the paper, listen to the talks of adults … because you will hear so much that is considered “not fair”. But the most amazing part? Is how they many handle it. When it’s done with out harming another, you will see more “fair” than you would ever expect.
Remember: Life is not fair, it is not some freaking fairy tale. There is no “happily ever after” unless each of us makes the steps to find it. You will still have your ups & downs, but it will be the choice you made.

I am rather sick of hearing “not fair” from so many people. Each day my husband & I wake to raising our 3 amazing boys, and our beautiful granddaughter. We wake each day to check on our daughter, who has moved out & on with her life. Each day we wake knowing that the only way we can have that “happy ending” is by enjoying what we have. Yes there are things that we would like, but to be honest, they are things that we may truly not need. We wake each day knowing that life may give us a little twist or a massive one. But each day we work though it. That is how we find out “fair” in life.

Stop looking at the “not’s” in your life, and look at what you have. Because that is the only “fair” you are gonna find. Go build your castle, or our house with a white picket fence, or what ever you want … but do it with a bit more common sense.

My heart broke

9/6/10

Today (Friday Sept 3, 2010)  I watched as my heart broke. A sweet baby girl, who smiled, loved to snuggle on your chest, and loved to play, was buried. She was only 4 months old, and didn’t get the full life that we all expect. I was the last person to leave.  And unfortunately, I saw as they placed her into the ground. Something you should never have to see or want to. Somewhere a child should never be placed.

The mother told Athenah Rea to stay away from those who got sick. And that we should enjoy ever minute with her because you never know if she will be here that long. She also apologized to Athenah Rea because her playmate wouldn’t be able to keep the play dates they had planned (Ashtyn’s mom & Athenah’s mom). It was hard to watch her tell a soon to be 3 week old all of this, tears in our eyes.
Taking my grand daughter was the worst thing I could have done. I felt so stupid when I realized that bring her would cause more grief. Plus it’s hard on that family because Athenah Rea is here, and their, Ashtyn Christe,  is not. Yes it sounds a bit selfish but they don’t hate her, its just hard to see another baby. So Uncle David & Aunt Emily saw her for short time, they will prob see her later this week … If their hearts can take it.

I despise the fact that parents had to bury their child. It is so hard to hear about, but to see it … it tears your heart out.

That was my view that day. But today I still cannot believe that beautiful baby girl is gone. She use to come over there &  smile all the time. She loved swinging and tummy time. She loved snuggling, and being talked to.
The last time I was able to see Ashtyn was when Athenah was in the hospital. I was so busy since Kim & Athenah Rea got out. You always think you have all the time in the world … and then you find out you don’t. It is devastating.
When I saw Emily & David this past weekend, I was honest. I told them I 1/2 expected to see Ashtyn when I walk in the door. My heart broke even more, because it is understanding she is gone.
But when I think of Ashtyn I don’t think of the negative, she was always smiling and giggling. When she was upset you knew it, but she calmed really quick. She loved swing, and being held. But most of all is how she touched all of our lives, in so many different ways. So instead of the negative, I think of the positive and know she made a positive effect on all our lives.