Oct 1–Oct 6 ~ Weekly update

Monday, was Chemo. She did amazing, rested, ate ... even though it was a long procedure she handled it well. Tuesday, she was hydrated. Then she went to the Dollar Tree for a short time. Found what she was looking for (flowers, wind chime & figurine for GrandAnn’s grave; plus Halloween deco). She came home and rested, after having a hotdog & some fries.
Wed & Thurs, were hard on her. She slept a lot, and her stomach wasn’t agreeing with her those days. She saw her sisters, Karie & Karen, they stayed a while talking ... it was good for her. Then she talked with Eric’s family for some time, she was just so excited. She loved seeing Eric, Cate, Yanni & Jayden ... she talked about it for a while. Even told Dad a lot of the conversation. Those two visits & the Web cam chat were really great for her. There was a slight problem getting some of her meds, but the lady at Dillions worked with them, so she got the right ones. (such a relief for Dad, Mom & me)
Friday, Cathy McA stop by. Those two were like kids in a candy store. So much to talk about, and both left with smiles and a little teary-eyed. But today she is up and moving again. She has eaten, taking her meds ... and seems to be having a great day!

This weekend, Mom is gonna try to get out to GrandAnn’s grave. She was gonna go watch Allie’s volley ball game, but has to follow Dr orders about being around people – she cannot chance getting sick, so she cannot go. She was so disappointed, but has accepted that there will be times she cannot do exactly what she wants to .... She is handle it better than I expected. Dad is more worried about it than both Mom & I, but he has good reasons to be. It’s his wife that he is looking out for ... you have to love him for that.

I will try to keep you all updated, but sometimes I won’t be able to do so that day ... so look for weekly reports, they are much easier.

3 months

My dad called, but he also sent an email. Life is just tearing us a part …

There is no easy way to say this, so I will just lay out the facts as we were told.

They were able to identify the primary source of the cancer as being in her bile duct. It is a very aggressive type of cancer and is in its advanced stages in her liver. As you know it is classified as stage IV liver cancer. This disease carries a very poor survival of less than 3 months. But that is a worse case scenario. Hopefully the chemo will be able to slow the progress of the cancer and give her more time.

Right now the clinic is going thru the paperwork drill with TRICARE to ensure they will pay for everything. Once that is done we will be notified of a date to start her chemo treatments. She will go in for the chemo one day and then back the next day to get IVs to flush her system. This will be repeated the following week and then she will get a weeks break before beginning the cycle all over again.

For now Mom is pretty much in a state of shock and trying to adjust to what she has been told today. Please hold any calls until maybe tomorrow to give her time to compose herself and maybe get some rest. She is sleeping right now, as the news we were given has left her mentally and physically drained.

If any of you want/need to talk to me I will be home the rest of today. I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you this horrible news.

Dad

What I really hate about medical problems

Over the last few years I went from decently healthy to massive medical problems. I guess I had them before but they were not officially diagnosed. Now, it seems like every time I see my dr. I end up with yet another issue to add .
I have or have had:

• Stroke
• fibromyalgia
• arthritis
• bulging disk in my back & neck
• migraines
• ulcers
• depression
• PFO
• low-iron anemia
• blood pressure issues (too low on a normal basis; too blasted high when I get upset)
• stress (far too much according to my doctors)
• panic attacks
• anxiety issues
• slight allergy to the sun (sunscreen doesn’t even help)
• allergic to morphine (so freaking annoying)
• bone growths on the back of both knees
• bladder issues (yep, it even happens to us younger folks)
• sleeping problems
• nerves problems (like not being able to use arms or legs)
• bruising all over body
• loss of hair (do to meds I am on, as well as medical problems)
• acid reflux

LOL it’s bad when you forget a ton of items that you have been diagnosed with. But honestly, it is really bad to be afraid to see your doctor when you know he is going to give you more issues to learn to deal with.

I have told my doctor that one time I would enjoy seeing any of them as long as they provided me with positive news. He just laughed and said I was always an interesting patient … really??? One who DOES NOT want medical problems. One who is now more afraid of seeing my doctors. One who is scared of what they will tell me next. How does that make me “interesting”???? In my opinion, that makes me a fearful patient, definitely not interesting.
But I guess in there case, they are getting to use all the medical training. Which means I am “interesting” to them. I cannot hate them because they are great doctors, and they are always honest with me when I see them. They do not do  give me that bull where they … what’s the correct word or phrase? … treat me like a person who will simply crash from hearing the news they have to give me. They are direct and straight up with me, which I am grateful for. They do not treat me like a porcelain doll that will just crumb if touch wrong. Trust me I have seen doctors treat patients like the were fragile. Treat them as though they would simply crumble from the news they were given.

My parents taught us that you have to accept what the news. You can get upset over it. You can get sad or depressed over it. But you have to learn about what you have. You have to learn to laugh about it, and accept it. Because in the end, there is not much else you can do … except ignore it.
Ignoring your medical problems do not make them go way. It makes your life harder. I recently learned that. I was honest, told people I had a stoke. I told them, but did not let them know just how much I lost when it occurred. I did not tell them, the closest of my friends or even my family, know the actual severity of it. I was embarrassed, and ashamed because I truly did not remember so much about these people who were close to me. I had some feelings where I knew that some of these people were trustworthy and others I was uncomfortable around. Some of the people in my life, I have since learned why. Others I am still learning more about.

Guess the title of this blog should be something else. But honestly, for me it fits. Because I really do hate my medical problems. They cause me to avoid being close to people like I was before. They prevent me from doing a lot of things. Even chores around the house, you know vacuuming … that can take me over an hour to do. Because I get so exhausted from it. Exercising makes me feel amazing, but will put me in bed for a few days. Which really bites because I end up with so much energy, but my body itself crashes. Playing outside with my granddaughter, I can do a little but then have to rest. Hiking, which is so much fun, but afterwards my body crashes if I “over do it.”
”Over doing” is a phrase I really dislike. Today, I was looking for my router disk to set up my computer with our home router (love wireless … gives me more freedom that sitting at a desk). So I was cleaning up the computer area in our home. I got so tired, and I was not even finished cleaning & organizing. I had to stop. Went out back to talk with my son, stood up and the world started spinning around me … my husband had to help me get back inside because I was afraid I was going to collapse. There was NO WAY I was going to have to get my son to carry me inside. That is just way to embarrassing, for me that is.

See, my family seems to understand & accept that I have the medical problems I have quicker than I do. They are patient, but at times they do get a little irritated. After all, it sucks when you cannot take your child to the gym. Or go bike riding, hiking, fishing, swimming … or half a million other things that are fun to do with family. Sure movie nights are great, or board/card games are fun. But what kid wants to do them all the time? Even I get tired of playing them or watching movies/TV shows all them time. I love going hiking with my family. I enjoying going fishing with them. But even they know that “over doing it” prevents me from doing other things with them. And yes, I can “over do it” playing board/card games.

I guess, in many ways, I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. Simply because of the understanding, compassion, love and support that I received from my family. I really helps me so much that they do understand, even with they get irritated. Because without them, my life would be so much harder.
So while I truly hate my medical problems, I have the greatest family when it comes down to dealing with all the issues that seem to find their way to me.

I am learning to accept all my medical problems, and I will laugh at them. After all, if you do not find a way to laugh … you will live in misery. I prefer happiness, love, enjoyment. Misery can go find someone else. I just wish some people understood the concept of why you should laugh … it makes accepting so much easier.