What I really hate about medical problems

Over the last few years I went from decently healthy to massive medical problems. I guess I had them before but they were not officially diagnosed. Now, it seems like every time I see my dr. I end up with yet another issue to add .
I have or have had:

• Stroke
• fibromyalgia
• arthritis
• bulging disk in my back & neck
• migraines
• ulcers
• depression
• PFO
• low-iron anemia
• blood pressure issues (too low on a normal basis; too blasted high when I get upset)
• stress (far too much according to my doctors)
• panic attacks
• anxiety issues
• slight allergy to the sun (sunscreen doesn’t even help)
• allergic to morphine (so freaking annoying)
• bone growths on the back of both knees
• bladder issues (yep, it even happens to us younger folks)
• sleeping problems
• nerves problems (like not being able to use arms or legs)
• bruising all over body
• loss of hair (do to meds I am on, as well as medical problems)
• acid reflux

LOL it’s bad when you forget a ton of items that you have been diagnosed with. But honestly, it is really bad to be afraid to see your doctor when you know he is going to give you more issues to learn to deal with.

I have told my doctor that one time I would enjoy seeing any of them as long as they provided me with positive news. He just laughed and said I was always an interesting patient … really??? One who DOES NOT want medical problems. One who is now more afraid of seeing my doctors. One who is scared of what they will tell me next. How does that make me “interesting”???? In my opinion, that makes me a fearful patient, definitely not interesting.
But I guess in there case, they are getting to use all the medical training. Which means I am “interesting” to them. I cannot hate them because they are great doctors, and they are always honest with me when I see them. They do not do  give me that bull where they … what’s the correct word or phrase? … treat me like a person who will simply crash from hearing the news they have to give me. They are direct and straight up with me, which I am grateful for. They do not treat me like a porcelain doll that will just crumb if touch wrong. Trust me I have seen doctors treat patients like the were fragile. Treat them as though they would simply crumble from the news they were given.

My parents taught us that you have to accept what the news. You can get upset over it. You can get sad or depressed over it. But you have to learn about what you have. You have to learn to laugh about it, and accept it. Because in the end, there is not much else you can do … except ignore it.
Ignoring your medical problems do not make them go way. It makes your life harder. I recently learned that. I was honest, told people I had a stoke. I told them, but did not let them know just how much I lost when it occurred. I did not tell them, the closest of my friends or even my family, know the actual severity of it. I was embarrassed, and ashamed because I truly did not remember so much about these people who were close to me. I had some feelings where I knew that some of these people were trustworthy and others I was uncomfortable around. Some of the people in my life, I have since learned why. Others I am still learning more about.

Guess the title of this blog should be something else. But honestly, for me it fits. Because I really do hate my medical problems. They cause me to avoid being close to people like I was before. They prevent me from doing a lot of things. Even chores around the house, you know vacuuming … that can take me over an hour to do. Because I get so exhausted from it. Exercising makes me feel amazing, but will put me in bed for a few days. Which really bites because I end up with so much energy, but my body itself crashes. Playing outside with my granddaughter, I can do a little but then have to rest. Hiking, which is so much fun, but afterwards my body crashes if I “over do it.”
”Over doing” is a phrase I really dislike. Today, I was looking for my router disk to set up my computer with our home router (love wireless … gives me more freedom that sitting at a desk). So I was cleaning up the computer area in our home. I got so tired, and I was not even finished cleaning & organizing. I had to stop. Went out back to talk with my son, stood up and the world started spinning around me … my husband had to help me get back inside because I was afraid I was going to collapse. There was NO WAY I was going to have to get my son to carry me inside. That is just way to embarrassing, for me that is.

See, my family seems to understand & accept that I have the medical problems I have quicker than I do. They are patient, but at times they do get a little irritated. After all, it sucks when you cannot take your child to the gym. Or go bike riding, hiking, fishing, swimming … or half a million other things that are fun to do with family. Sure movie nights are great, or board/card games are fun. But what kid wants to do them all the time? Even I get tired of playing them or watching movies/TV shows all them time. I love going hiking with my family. I enjoying going fishing with them. But even they know that “over doing it” prevents me from doing other things with them. And yes, I can “over do it” playing board/card games.

I guess, in many ways, I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. Simply because of the understanding, compassion, love and support that I received from my family. I really helps me so much that they do understand, even with they get irritated. Because without them, my life would be so much harder.
So while I truly hate my medical problems, I have the greatest family when it comes down to dealing with all the issues that seem to find their way to me.

I am learning to accept all my medical problems, and I will laugh at them. After all, if you do not find a way to laugh … you will live in misery. I prefer happiness, love, enjoyment. Misery can go find someone else. I just wish some people understood the concept of why you should laugh … it makes accepting so much easier.

“One joy scatters a hundred grief's.”

original post date: 12/30/10

Every day there is nothing but war, devastating event or some horrid drama on the news. The media always focus on that, after all it draws us in. Yes, even I admit to being pulled in by the horridness of what they show. Just yesterday I watch the 20 most significant murders in Hollywood, and then the top 20 of children murderers. I love horror movies, but even I know when a point is reached. I watched them because to me, I was trying to see or understand why they would do this. Interviews were included, and much more. But did I understand or even come close? No, just as I at times do not comprehend war or watching what nature can do on it’s own to devastate us. Yet, every time there is something like this, we are pulled to watching.
Although that is part of what I am blabbing about, it’s not what I want to focus on. I love to read, although I cannot stay focused on some books, others just take me away. I get so absorbed in them that I can see what  they are writing about. Oh did I get off topic, sorta. I have this bookmark that has the Chinese writings for: Happiness, Harmony, Tranquility, Prosperity. I love that bookmark, but the part I always read over & over again is the Chinese Proverb on back: “One joy scatters a hundred grief's.”
For every one of those devastating events, for all the negative just one positive thing can make the day worth living. Each day I see all this negativity but each day one simply things always brings a smile to my life. It’s may sound a bit harsh but it’s not. In life you have to find something positive, something that means something to you. The best thing to do is find 5 positive things in life, they help bring you though the day. But that is getting a bit off topic as well, isn’t it?

“One joy scatters a hundred grief's.”

I see those joys all around me, from grass growing or getting too tall, to leaves falling from a tree. But the best ones are the way my kids & grandchild enjoy their lives, and the smallest things they see or find to enjoy. The best to describe them is to show them, after all a photo is worth a thousand words, so how about a few?

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Still alive & breathing

original post date: 11/10/10

Yep we are still here, breathing & alive. My daughter moved out, my son has an interview at Hot Topic & he is engaged, my second son is getting promoted, and youngest son is getting enrolled in a school better suited for him.
The best news …. My husband is retiring! Check that, he’s putting his paperwork into retire. It’s good by Army, hello Civvies World. LOL funny to say seeing that I am living off base already. But this will be great, not to have to attend FSG meetings or battery events. Not have to worry if what is happening in our family is disturbing his COC. (when you have several medical appointments a day for 3 weeks … they tend to get rather annoyed)

I have gotten back into life since I went on vacation. I am learning that being a grand mother can be amazing fun. I have two little ones to pay with silly toys, sing songs & just dance all over the house. I play on the equipment at the park with the oldest, and rock the youngest to sleep. I get to eat with my fingers at dinner, getting the oldest to try new things & learn to enjoy what you have. Stories, songs, walks, naps (boy oh boy do I need those), playing with pots & pans … and that list goes on. It will be interesting as the youngest gets beyond the infant stage. But she still has fun, smiles & tries to laugh quite a bit.

Now I am just waiting for the clearance for my neck surgery. I think it will help so much with my migraines, and neck issues. Then I have to wait & get clearance for them to work on my back … he he he my kids said they should just take out all the bones & give me artificial ones. Yep I can see that happening, “ma’am we have decide that we are going to cut you from top to bottom taking out the bones on one side. Replacing them with these new artificial bones. Then we will close you up, and do the same to the other side. You will take 6 months to a year to recover. But we can discuss that after the surgery. OH  I think she is under, I hope she heard what I was telling her.” LMAO as if that will ever happen, 50 million dollar person … not!!! They had a great idea, something that has been made in to TV shows. Oh well, now it is time to wait …. hope for the best & expect the worst.
And yes, I am hoping they call & tell me my surgery is schedule in two weeks. So wait I will do.

Life’s good & bad times

original post date: 10/20/10

There are always good & bad times in all lives. Hey, it can be from the littlest things to the heartbreaking one. Kissing that “boo boo” because it hurts so much. Or holding someone when they cry their eyes out over the loss that just occurred. Helping a person when they have hit rock bottom. Smiling at the cutest little thing your child has done. Swinging around in hugging circles because you are so excited but don't have the words to express it. Laughing so hard you are crying or crying over the most amazing event. That is just simply life. We can say we just can’t take it any more or just aren’t getting enough. Either way, it is what is occurring in the world on a regular basis.

No, I don’t mean we should all be harsh about what is going on in others lives, or that we should compare their lives to ours for more understanding … that would make us all a bit harsh or really over-stressed. No, I am looking at this from an “one person view.” Because to be honest, I quit trying to understand others when I was back in high school. Have this slight memory where I am talking to the counselor and telling her that people are just not worth the effort to completely understand. Oh I have some sight on people, even I am not that self-centered, because otherwise I would be the hobbit (that I once considered becoming).

In some ways, what my really extended family does bothers me. BUT (yep there is always one of those, isn’t there?) when you haven’t had a person directly involved in your life on a regular basis, it pretty much makes it a mute point when you become an adult. Right? I don’t sit down and write everyone a cheery little email or letter about how things are going, but neither do I receive them. I have tried in the past to do the letter writing, let’s just say “what a joke” and move on.
Each of us was raised in a different environment, a different life style, and differently. Yes we were all taught the basics, but other than that … not much else was the same. Do I regret that, nope. Am I angry about it, nope. There are a ton of no’s I could list, but that really doesn’t help too much or make anyone feel all that great. So another move on.

Going from being able to do everything to “*&^*%(&)(*” limited, it really takes a blow to you. When you are use to being able to do something like grocery shop alone, it really sucks when you have to have someone with you to complete it. When you LOVE driving, yet you find yourself limited to short drives here and there, it can be devastating. Moving around with out the fear of getting bruised or hurt, is simply a blessing (more than you can imagine) to being worried because people tend to get the wrong idea when you are really bruised & in pain. Or my favorite, having just one doc and expanding to well over 5 well before you even turn 40 … well, that can really bring you down. Recovering from medical issues in your life, only to have some one use against you … sweet when someone tries to do it. (stupid when they look like a complete a$$!)
It comes down to really not looking like things are going to well for you. Today I told my dad “when I am your age I hope to be as healthy as you are, because you are out doing me now.” He laughed, teased me I have to get there 1st. Sad part is, I do have to get here 1st. Will I be watching my granddaughter and her cousins at that age or will they be wishing I was. Tomorrow is a day I cannot predict, nor do I want to. I enjoy the unpredictability of life. Of how it can surprise us with each twist & turn of the way to the end … yes, even our lives come to an end. But our memories don’t, that is the most interesting part. To be the story told your ever so great grandchildren. I am sure all of us have those tales that will be told, even if we don’t see them … someone does. That really counts, to be a positive memory.
I have taken those good & bad days on with full force. Enjoying the good, and fighting though the bad. Trying to be there for those in my life when they have them, as well. (Not always an easy task … ) I enjoy laughing until I cry, and have done it more than a few times. I enjoy watching my children do the silliest things, and those nerve racking ones as well. I have kissed many “boo boo” and will probably kiss a few more. I try to teach my children that family isn’t just those around you, there are others who are just a phone call, letter, email or text message away.

The one thing I really hope my children understand is that those bad days are just as important as the good. They help shape us. Give us a view on life in a unique, and entirely personal way. The good give us the joy, happiness, and all the emotions that occur. The bad, we know how we feel on those days. That is what keeps us balanced. All 100% cheerful days, and what all would we have learned? All 100% sad days, and were mankind would be won’t be such a great place to live in. A balance between the two is always the best way to go, and hope for.