Dear Mom …

I have started that letter so many times. But ended up tearing it to shreds instead.
Yes, I know she is gone. But sometimes it does help to put it all down on paper … not for that person but as for yourself. Problem being, it still hurts too much. Plus mentally & emotionally I am just not ready.

2 months since my Mom passed, almost to the hour. But I still want to call her up to just talk to her, about anything. I want to be able to hear her voice, and know she is still here with us. To fool myself into still having her in our lives. But 2 months ago, I sat by her bed telling her it was ok to pass. Because I hated seeing her in the coma she was in. I hated watching her slowly pass … I hated loosing my Mom.
I still hope to wake up each morning & get a call from my Mom. To wake up out of the nightmare of all of this.

2 months … and the pain is still there. It hurts so much. Until I can find some way of letting that pain go, I don’t think I will ever be able to fully accept my Mom’s passing.

I hurt over my Mom’s passing … and I will NEVER forgive those who hurt our family for so long. Yet, tried to be “family” for the last few months. I will never forgive or forget …

How I handled MY anger

Friday, well it was horrid, something I will NEVER go though again.

Instead of sinking to that level, I turned around and left. Now once I was outside, far from those inside, I mumbled a large variety of negative things about the behavior of a man I HAD respected.
I have found that you can talk to some people. I have found that there are people that refuse to listen. But in the end, it all comes down to common sense, compassion, maturity, calmness, tact and a whole lot of listening. Not hearing but listening to what a person says. And if you do not understand, then you should ask questions … not get upset.

No I am not a person who is looking to give the world peace. I am simply a person who said something, and got attacked over it. I am a person who had the common sense to listen & observe the individual actions as well as facial expressions. I was the person who really did want to smack him across the face … Instead, I spun and left.
Just because someone does stupid things like that, it does not mean I have to. I called it “stupid” because it was. The behavior, the facial expressions, the body actions and (by worse) the angry.

See, had I said something about how he talked to me, there would have been one heck of a family WAR. I am not that petty, so I left. But the second I walked out that door, I had only one grandparent living.
Family should use all the above items I listed for communication and preventing arguments/attacks. It is truly a shame when they don’t, it destroys them.

Well, I am tired. It has been one heck of an emotional weekend for me. I finally got the tissue box put aside (but close incase I need it). Now I am going to watch a movie, and then get some well needed sleep (nothing like being up for almost 48 hrs to kick your butt )
I hope you all have had a better weekend that I have!!! Later