“Beautiful Girls”

I just go done watching the rest of this movie. How everyone gets back around their reunion. It’s a decent movie, from a few years after I graduated. I have watched this before, and find it interesting that some people believe it takes so long to change. (according to this movie)
NHS has a 20 year reunion coming up this August. 20 years since I left high school, yet it seems like it happened bit longer. People I am to know, which is depressing because I honestly don’t remember much about them. Yes there are a few events that come to mind. But 3 years I went to that high school, I know I have changed since then … LMAO I have 4 kids & am raising my grand daughter with the amazing help of my sons. I have added those who went to school the times around the same time. Some people I have slight memories of, but not much.
I know someone was insane enough to sit on a car while it was being driven. She got hurt, & he felt like horrid. 2 of my friends dated, LOL but the worse part. One girl dropped out of high school & was supposedly a stripper to earn money. (hey I know a lawyer who used it to help pay for school & live off of … if it works, then you cannot bitched about it) Someone I graduated with married a soldier, but never heard who it was or what happened. (I hope it went well, it’s hard when you are a military wife.)
From what I have seen, most everyone has built really great lives for themselves, which is so unlike the movie “Beautiful Girls.” I think when they create movies like this, someone is reaching for what they had, or what they think others want to have. Who honestly knows what is behind the mind of the writer.
Behind my mind is simply, go back and meet the people you once knew if you can, enjoy that reunion. After all, you can never get another chance at a 20th year reunion. From what I have seen, many people have a ton of events to enjoy. As well as silly stories they had from high school …. of course that would make a pretty lame movie!  

NHS c/o ‘91 is having it’s 20th reunion in August. The only question I have is “how do you attend a 20th reunion for a time frame where you don’t remember the individuals or time?”
I like movies like this, but it can be pretty depressing … such is life. Which just what happens & we enjoy what we have.

Fix OUR problems 1st

Libya

Ok, usually I don’t say much about this. But really, why can’t we just fix our OWN freaking problems? Why is it that our government has to get involved with other countries when we have so many problems here?

I have always back what they have done. Kosovo, Iraq, Afghanistan … but now we have hit a point where we have lost far too many of our soldiers lives so OTHER countries can get help. Where is the help that this country needs? Because I sure as hades do not see it happening.

We have teenagers, who have hit an all time low. They shoot each other just because they are pissed at what the other says. They are having children, and not being able to care for them. Teens taking off to live on the streets.
We have adults which are in serious need of assistance.

Teens & Drugs, teen pregnancy, teen so-called parents, drug addicts, homeless individuals, gang bangers …. schooling, economy … we have so many problems to fix here in our own country, which we get no assistance from others on. Yet, here we go stepping into another countries issues.

No I do not believe that there should be bloodshed. No I do not believe that there should be psycho’s running countries. I can go with the “no” until I die, but right now we need to start looking at our own country & start there.
This isn’t written as I normally would. Because, to be honest, there is no logic to any of this. There is anger, and disbelieve. There is shock. But there is no logic to what is occurring, because instead of fixing the problems OUR country has, we are looking to fix others.
It’s time our government started looking at OUR countries problems. It is time OUR government starts looking to FIX the problems in the country they live in. Plain & simple, fix it here before you worry about some other countries issues.

And this is coming from the woman who is raising her teen age daughter’s child. The woman who as said “bye” to several soldiers and never seeing them again. Being told by those men they would take care of my husband, who came home. From a woman who has watched, far too often, and in some ways agreed with what is has been done.
From a woman who does not want to see any more deaths of the soldiers I respect more than you can imagine. Who does not want to see her own children being sent into places when they are truly needed here. A woman who is sick of seeing the country she loves falls further into … where ever we are falling. It is time to start here, and fix our problems before we step into fix another’s problems.

A simple smile

Today I put my grand daughter on the floor to play, and turned on the recording of the “wiggles.” After watching a few, I turned the TV to the sprout channel. It was cute, so I looked up the web site, let’s just say if you are looking or it don’t just type “sprout” it’s Sprout Online.
Usually I complain a bit my daughter not taking care of her, and I sat to consider that during this time. Yesterday I started a “bitch” blog about my daughter & her boy-toys, but deleted it.  Because to be honest I don’t want to sit and complain about my daughter all the time. There is more to our lives than the drama she brings. I have 3 great sons, an amazing husband, and a beautiful grand daughter. Plus you add in extended family, I have more to discuss than the drama that my daughter brings into our lives. It’s about time I started remember that.
Watching my granddaughter I realized that no matter what her mother does, it’s not her fault. That she will be an amazing person as long as we help her reach that point.

While my granddaughter was playing on the floor, with her toys and listening to Sprout TV, I asked her if she would put on a magic show like Caliliou did for his family. She just looked at me and grinned.
That smile just made my day. I have to stop & remember that even with all the annoying items in our life, there is still tons of positive. It’s simply amazing how a little smile can remind you of that.

I watched my grand daughter for a while, considering all the negative that has been going on. During that short time, I went from stressed out to completely relaxed. She played with her toys, smiling, giggling, turning over & moving on the blanket. Such a simple life, and so easy to life at this age. Something that helps remind us that no matter what is going on in life, it never hurts to sit back and enjoy yourself. Find your blanket, toys or what ever and relax. Because no matter what you do, there will always be negative & positive stress. You just have to remember to relax … or rather I have to remember to relax.

My poor husband

Yesterday my husband spent so long in the ER. They ran test, after test, on him. But they would not release him because his blood pressure was severely low. Plus he has pneumonia, and they could not give him any form of meds unless he was watched. That is when they secured a bed for him, and transferred him to the upper floors.
They did breathing treatments all night & morning with him. I know he didn’t get much sleep, so I won’t take our kids or granddaughter up to see him. I want him to rest, and he cannot do that with us in there. Yes, that seems harsh but I want him to recover & come home soon.

My husband looked at me yesterday and said "How do you feel when the shoes on the other foot?” I just smiled at him. Because until last night he didn’t grasp that idea. Then he wasn’t enjoying have made that point. They have been running test after test on him, blood, CAT, Ultrasounds, urine, sputum … all those tests that make you feel horrid when they appear. Even worse when they let you know those didn’t give any results, which means MORE tests.

I never wanted my husband to have to go though this. He’s always so healthy, and this has to be so hard for him. I know it is, because he keeps asking me how I am doing. Hello, I am not the one in the hospital!!! It’s hard, extremely, because you are stuck with dr’s deciding what to do with you. “no this test was ok, so we are gonna run these now instead” Leaving you with the thought “why didn’t you just do it the 1st time?” Dreading seeing the nurse, tech, or dr. Wanting to just pack up & leave … letting them find someone else to test or diagnose.

“One joy scatters a hundred grief's.”

original post date: 12/30/10

Every day there is nothing but war, devastating event or some horrid drama on the news. The media always focus on that, after all it draws us in. Yes, even I admit to being pulled in by the horridness of what they show. Just yesterday I watch the 20 most significant murders in Hollywood, and then the top 20 of children murderers. I love horror movies, but even I know when a point is reached. I watched them because to me, I was trying to see or understand why they would do this. Interviews were included, and much more. But did I understand or even come close? No, just as I at times do not comprehend war or watching what nature can do on it’s own to devastate us. Yet, every time there is something like this, we are pulled to watching.
Although that is part of what I am blabbing about, it’s not what I want to focus on. I love to read, although I cannot stay focused on some books, others just take me away. I get so absorbed in them that I can see what  they are writing about. Oh did I get off topic, sorta. I have this bookmark that has the Chinese writings for: Happiness, Harmony, Tranquility, Prosperity. I love that bookmark, but the part I always read over & over again is the Chinese Proverb on back: “One joy scatters a hundred grief's.”
For every one of those devastating events, for all the negative just one positive thing can make the day worth living. Each day I see all this negativity but each day one simply things always brings a smile to my life. It’s may sound a bit harsh but it’s not. In life you have to find something positive, something that means something to you. The best thing to do is find 5 positive things in life, they help bring you though the day. But that is getting a bit off topic as well, isn’t it?

“One joy scatters a hundred grief's.”

I see those joys all around me, from grass growing or getting too tall, to leaves falling from a tree. But the best ones are the way my kids & grandchild enjoy their lives, and the smallest things they see or find to enjoy. The best to describe them is to show them, after all a photo is worth a thousand words, so how about a few?

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Home Sweet Home

original post date: 12/28/10

Mom always told us “it’s where the Army sends us.” Which happened to be Ft Bragg NC, for most of my live. Since then home has been in several places, but to be honest right now home is here we are retiring, Oklahoma. Where the army eventually sent us.

I went to visit my parents & house-sit while they were gone. Using that as my mini-vacation. I lived in Nickerson for 3 or 4 years, yet it doesn’t even feel like home (or ever has). I have pictures of it, even went by where we lived during that time. Yet it doesn’t have a feel to it at all.  There is really no way to explain it, but when you go by a place you have been & there is a connection to it.
Now this was back in Oct, and I loved the time I spent in Hutch. I watched Hutch High’s Homecoming Parade, down Main St (yes, it’s called Main St). I walked though the car show, and was simply amazed over the vehicles. I loved walking though Carey Park, drove though South Hutch, walking though parts of Nickerson … it was interesting to see many places again. Some I knew, other’s I should have known plus all the changes they had. I mean, Nickerson has a police office! Then there are all the changes to the high school, although I don’t see why they were done.
Now our latest vacation (the family) was to GA. Were we spent the holidays with family. Although there were some hitches, there is nothing like walking into a house and feeling like it’s a home. We stayed at Wade’s home (Stacey’s brother). Which was a bit crowded when you figure it was perfect for the couple who lived there … add us 6, and it was bunched but we did not feel unwelcomed. Going over to Teresa’s home (Stacey’s cousin) was amazing. A huge Christmas tree, with gifts up under it, with cards & pictures all over.The kitchen was small but great place to sit and talk over anything. Going over to Rebel’s home (yes, another brother), was so shocking! It was a beautiful home, seems his wife has done some work on the home (serious artist here & I love her creations) & Rebel (all of which is great). Meeting up with part of the family there was amazing, and hasn’t been done in so long. The family was definitely family! They had their issues but they found a way to work around them, which was great for the holiday season.

But the day we arrived back home, it was simply amazing. Our home, there is no other way to state it. I loved visiting Hutch & seeing the sites in that area. I loved going back to GA to visit everyone. But “home sweet home” was exactly where we left it … and how we left it. It did not get a whole in the roof from tree branches, it did not burn down … it was just sitting here waiting for it’s occupants to return. Our pictures on the wall. The photo album with our memories. The little mess here or there from the rush getting out the door.
Yes it is great seeing family, or visiting past places but nothing is like walking though the door of your home. The place that you created & reflects you. The place where you simply are.

This time the army sent us in the right direction … straight home.

  
I loved the low fog in KS

   
                              Granny & Elf Athenah                        Grandpa Vern, Grandmother & Athenah Rea

 

Madison, Granny & Athenah, Miranda, Ivo, with back of Teresa’s head

 

      
                Rebel, Carolyn & Stacey            My boys & their Cousin Kathryn       

 

Ivo, Teresa, Stacey, Tricia, Wade & Athenah Rea

My Favorite Area:

 

Home & family … always the best to have.

“IT’S NOT FAIR”

original post date: 12/28/10

Fair??? There is no freaking FAIR in this world. We try to be decent people, and do the correct thing. Well, that is some of us do.
Yet there is always that one person who expects you to do it all for them. And when you say NO they start begging, and saying “it’s not fair.” I had to stop & really figure out what I should say and how I wanted to say it.

Not Fair … not when you have to watch a person bury their child. Not fair … when you watch soldiers deploy to a country with a high chance of dying. Not fair … when you see a young child living in a car, or on the streets. Not fair … when you watch the news over a child who’s supposed family killed them. Not fair … is simply what you will find when you look around life. Not fair … Not fair … Not fair … is something all of us are tired of hearing.
Yes you can find “fair” when you get off your butts and start making it happen. Learning to understand that religions are differently, not forcing yours on others, and finding a way to accept them. Learning to know that some people should not be allowed to raise children, to understand when they start reaching out for help. Learning to accept when you can do something & not feel worthless because of it. Learning to control rage, and know when to stop … and find someone when you know you need help to prevent it.
There is so much more to create “fair” but does the list have to keep going? After all that is just the simple start of the list. Watch the news, read the paper, listen to the talks of adults … because you will hear so much that is considered “not fair”. But the most amazing part? Is how they many handle it. When it’s done with out harming another, you will see more “fair” than you would ever expect.
Remember: Life is not fair, it is not some freaking fairy tale. There is no “happily ever after” unless each of us makes the steps to find it. You will still have your ups & downs, but it will be the choice you made.

I am rather sick of hearing “not fair” from so many people. Each day my husband & I wake to raising our 3 amazing boys, and our beautiful granddaughter. We wake each day to check on our daughter, who has moved out & on with her life. Each day we wake knowing that the only way we can have that “happy ending” is by enjoying what we have. Yes there are things that we would like, but to be honest, they are things that we may truly not need. We wake each day knowing that life may give us a little twist or a massive one. But each day we work though it. That is how we find out “fair” in life.

Stop looking at the “not’s” in your life, and look at what you have. Because that is the only “fair” you are gonna find. Go build your castle, or our house with a white picket fence, or what ever you want … but do it with a bit more common sense.

Still alive & breathing

original post date: 11/10/10

Yep we are still here, breathing & alive. My daughter moved out, my son has an interview at Hot Topic & he is engaged, my second son is getting promoted, and youngest son is getting enrolled in a school better suited for him.
The best news …. My husband is retiring! Check that, he’s putting his paperwork into retire. It’s good by Army, hello Civvies World. LOL funny to say seeing that I am living off base already. But this will be great, not to have to attend FSG meetings or battery events. Not have to worry if what is happening in our family is disturbing his COC. (when you have several medical appointments a day for 3 weeks … they tend to get rather annoyed)

I have gotten back into life since I went on vacation. I am learning that being a grand mother can be amazing fun. I have two little ones to pay with silly toys, sing songs & just dance all over the house. I play on the equipment at the park with the oldest, and rock the youngest to sleep. I get to eat with my fingers at dinner, getting the oldest to try new things & learn to enjoy what you have. Stories, songs, walks, naps (boy oh boy do I need those), playing with pots & pans … and that list goes on. It will be interesting as the youngest gets beyond the infant stage. But she still has fun, smiles & tries to laugh quite a bit.

Now I am just waiting for the clearance for my neck surgery. I think it will help so much with my migraines, and neck issues. Then I have to wait & get clearance for them to work on my back … he he he my kids said they should just take out all the bones & give me artificial ones. Yep I can see that happening, “ma’am we have decide that we are going to cut you from top to bottom taking out the bones on one side. Replacing them with these new artificial bones. Then we will close you up, and do the same to the other side. You will take 6 months to a year to recover. But we can discuss that after the surgery. OH  I think she is under, I hope she heard what I was telling her.” LMAO as if that will ever happen, 50 million dollar person … not!!! They had a great idea, something that has been made in to TV shows. Oh well, now it is time to wait …. hope for the best & expect the worst.
And yes, I am hoping they call & tell me my surgery is schedule in two weeks. So wait I will do.

Life’s good & bad times

original post date: 10/20/10

There are always good & bad times in all lives. Hey, it can be from the littlest things to the heartbreaking one. Kissing that “boo boo” because it hurts so much. Or holding someone when they cry their eyes out over the loss that just occurred. Helping a person when they have hit rock bottom. Smiling at the cutest little thing your child has done. Swinging around in hugging circles because you are so excited but don't have the words to express it. Laughing so hard you are crying or crying over the most amazing event. That is just simply life. We can say we just can’t take it any more or just aren’t getting enough. Either way, it is what is occurring in the world on a regular basis.

No, I don’t mean we should all be harsh about what is going on in others lives, or that we should compare their lives to ours for more understanding … that would make us all a bit harsh or really over-stressed. No, I am looking at this from an “one person view.” Because to be honest, I quit trying to understand others when I was back in high school. Have this slight memory where I am talking to the counselor and telling her that people are just not worth the effort to completely understand. Oh I have some sight on people, even I am not that self-centered, because otherwise I would be the hobbit (that I once considered becoming).

In some ways, what my really extended family does bothers me. BUT (yep there is always one of those, isn’t there?) when you haven’t had a person directly involved in your life on a regular basis, it pretty much makes it a mute point when you become an adult. Right? I don’t sit down and write everyone a cheery little email or letter about how things are going, but neither do I receive them. I have tried in the past to do the letter writing, let’s just say “what a joke” and move on.
Each of us was raised in a different environment, a different life style, and differently. Yes we were all taught the basics, but other than that … not much else was the same. Do I regret that, nope. Am I angry about it, nope. There are a ton of no’s I could list, but that really doesn’t help too much or make anyone feel all that great. So another move on.

Going from being able to do everything to “*&^*%(&)(*” limited, it really takes a blow to you. When you are use to being able to do something like grocery shop alone, it really sucks when you have to have someone with you to complete it. When you LOVE driving, yet you find yourself limited to short drives here and there, it can be devastating. Moving around with out the fear of getting bruised or hurt, is simply a blessing (more than you can imagine) to being worried because people tend to get the wrong idea when you are really bruised & in pain. Or my favorite, having just one doc and expanding to well over 5 well before you even turn 40 … well, that can really bring you down. Recovering from medical issues in your life, only to have some one use against you … sweet when someone tries to do it. (stupid when they look like a complete a$$!)
It comes down to really not looking like things are going to well for you. Today I told my dad “when I am your age I hope to be as healthy as you are, because you are out doing me now.” He laughed, teased me I have to get there 1st. Sad part is, I do have to get here 1st. Will I be watching my granddaughter and her cousins at that age or will they be wishing I was. Tomorrow is a day I cannot predict, nor do I want to. I enjoy the unpredictability of life. Of how it can surprise us with each twist & turn of the way to the end … yes, even our lives come to an end. But our memories don’t, that is the most interesting part. To be the story told your ever so great grandchildren. I am sure all of us have those tales that will be told, even if we don’t see them … someone does. That really counts, to be a positive memory.
I have taken those good & bad days on with full force. Enjoying the good, and fighting though the bad. Trying to be there for those in my life when they have them, as well. (Not always an easy task … ) I enjoy laughing until I cry, and have done it more than a few times. I enjoy watching my children do the silliest things, and those nerve racking ones as well. I have kissed many “boo boo” and will probably kiss a few more. I try to teach my children that family isn’t just those around you, there are others who are just a phone call, letter, email or text message away.

The one thing I really hope my children understand is that those bad days are just as important as the good. They help shape us. Give us a view on life in a unique, and entirely personal way. The good give us the joy, happiness, and all the emotions that occur. The bad, we know how we feel on those days. That is what keeps us balanced. All 100% cheerful days, and what all would we have learned? All 100% sad days, and were mankind would be won’t be such a great place to live in. A balance between the two is always the best way to go, and hope for.

Walking down memory lane

original post date: 10/11/10

When I look at my mothers wall it is full of pictures, which should hold tons of memories for me. Yet while some of the locations are familiar, the pictures and the times are not. Or worse I see people I should know that I don’t have the slightest idea who they are. Normally I don’t pay much attention to my mother pictures, until my brother needed  pics of him when he was younger. So I went looking at the wall, and then through almost all of her pics … guess it was a bad choice for me.
These last few weeks I have been in Hutch, taking a mini-vacation. I have visited Nickerson, and there were a few things that seemed slightly familiar, but so much that was familiar. I know about the nativity scene, because I have the video’s from when I was in it. My grandparents house seemed a bit off, and until one of our relatives mentioned the fact the trees where missing, I wasn’t sure what was off with it. I am still not sure if that was it, but I am hoping so. The school I graduated from, well I remember one of my classes in one part of the building, but the older part of the school doesn’t seem all that familiar. I know I went there, I have the diploma & transcript from there. (oh freaking well) Nickerson main street area has changed a ton, maybe for the best, I do hope so. I know they have a police station (and I found it!!), which was a bit strange. It would have been nice for them when kids were egging cars (yes, they did this when I was a teen ~ why I don’t know, but they did).
I have seen so much of Hutch the last few days. I know the mall had more stores, and a lot more people going there. I found a skate rink that I know I went to a few times (with what friends I don’t know), I found it quite by accident. I know they have done a bit of, who knows what, to Hutch parts are familiar, but then I haven’t been all over Hutch, so I don’t know about the unfamiliar parts. There is a McD’s that is still slower than dirt, and needs to check on their customer service issue! (It was a problem when I was a teen, and seems to be one now)

With all this occurring, I talked to a girl I went to school with. I had been given a general description, which did not seem to fit who she was today. I had to apologize when she told me everyone assumed she was still pencil thin! Then she asked if I remembered her sister, which as it turns out, does not look like her … so I am guessing I don’t remember her. I felt pretty bad to be honest, when you talk to someone it is really hard when you should remember but you don’t.
With some people I remember their faces and not their names. With others, their names click but their faces don’t. ~ Let’s forget about number combinations, cause those always mess me up!;)  ~ My docs have had so much fun testing me for this or that, and love putting me though all the tests to see how I have recovered … gets pretty freaking annoying after a while. Cause I just don’t have the answers for them, I don’t even have the answer for myself.

When you hear about “walking down memory lane” you think of all the fun, exciting, embarrassing, sad, and so many other types of memories. When I hear about it, it just makes me sad. I don’t have the full past that most others do, but at least I have plenty of time to build more memories as I grow older. Can you imagine how it would be to recover from a stroke when you are 70+? A lifetime of memories, simply gone. That alone is horrifying. Yet here I sit sad & in disbelief when I was hoping, even a small hope, that something would help bring back some of those times. Yet nothing did, and that is something I have to face … and something that I haven’t wanted to face.

So instead of staying depressed over this small matter, I have started looking at it differently. I have a ton of new memories with my granddaughter. Although she won’t remember it, I will be able to tell her that her 1st vacation was spent at Grandma's & Grandpa's house. I will tell her how we walked though Carey Park on an amazingly decent day, were the sun wasn’t too hot and the wind help keep us cooled. How I lost my sunglasses during this walk because I was paying more attention to whether or not the sun was in her face. Or how those bridges are definitely not stroller compatible. Or how we went to the Hutch Zoo, where instead of looking at the animals she slept though the entire hour or so that we were there. But choose the moment we left to wake up! I think she will like visiting that zoo when she is a bit older, it’s definitely young kid friendly.
I will be able to tell her how she stayed awake a good bit of the walk though Dillon’s Nature Center. Oh she slept a bit, but she was up a good deal of it. How I think I might have found the perfect place for her Pa & I to re-new our vows, it’s simply beautiful and I hope it’s something that we can look into. My favorite part is how she kicked off her sock, and we had to walk all the way to the boy and frog to find it. How she managed to kick of a sock is still beyond me, but it made the walk a bit longer. She also had the ladies who worked there just fussing over her. And she just groveled in it.
When I took her to Yoder, she was ok with one of the stores until the lady started talking to her. Then she just wanted to leave, I guess she just didn’t like her. She slept though 2 of the stores, and didn’t care much for the quilt store from the second I walked in. Which I think was more because I could have spent quite a while looking at the patterns or books … makes walking a bit more difficult. But she giggled & cooed to the ladies in the Yoder Meat Market. She had them going to get other co-workers to look a her! And yes, she loved all the attention she was getting.
I have so many pictures of the time when have been down here that my kids will probably take away my camera’s when I get home. But for each picture there is something behind it, a bit of a memory, a piece of Athenah’s & my life. Each time I think how I felt, I stop and see Athenah. Then I remember what I told her when we were there, or what her & I were doing when we were there. That gives each of those places a new memory for me, one that I will be able to tell Athenah (via scrapbook or verbal, I hope both).

I may not remember what my brothers & I where doing in a few (million) pics my mother has. But I have the chance to build new memories with them. A few years back my brother & my family when bowling, I think we had a blast. I know my kids were enjoying it, so were the adults. Or when I got this call telling me they were pregnant … I was so excited I was jumping all over! Or the times I got to talk to my nephew or text my niece. Even the times I have talked to my brothers, and probably floored them with what I said.
The one thing I hoped to regain from this vacation is the one thing I will be leaving with …. special memories. New memories, but special none the less. So the next time I decide to “walk down memory lane” I will either bring someone who knows what the hades we did ;-) or I will smile …. because while I don’t always remember every part of my past, I have new memories I can create with those I love and cherish.